manic

Tonight has been pretty low key. Mom isn't feeling well, dad is surfing the channels on the TV, and I had nothing to do. I decided to type in one of my favorite actors into Netflix- Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I wasn't looking for something in particular, just something to keep me entertained. I stumbled across an older one with him and Zooey Deschanel. Because they were so young, I googled it and figured out it was the movie where they first met. Two of my favorites, couldn't be too shabby! 

Then I read the description. The movie is called "Manic" and the description mentioned something or another about a teen psych center where Levitt's character is sent for anger management reasons and he meets Deschanel's character who's there for self harm reasons. Great. Now a psych movie! Even better. Here's the preview. 

I cried. Almost the entire time. 

I'm headed into my last semester of college and will have a BA in psychology. There really isn't much to do with that without further schooling, but I can't do that right now. I'd burn out WAY too fast. Either way, my undergrad studies require internship hours in order to graduate. I already have a third of them done, but was in need of 6 more hours a week for this fall. After calling every Emergency Room in Colorado Springs and northern Colorado, I was feeling a little sad because none of the psych evaluation teams in the ER would let me shadow without any certification. When I began to run out of options, because even the behavioral health center wouldn't take me, they pointed me in the direction of an adolescent residential treatment center. 

This is basically what the kids in this movie are living in. I'm really not sure what I've got myself into. I'm very excited for this experience and I've had friends and professors who have an understanding of what a program like this consists of tell me I will enjoy it and it will be a great experience either way. But seriously. Adolescents is so hard. Add psychological issues on top of that. How are we truly supposed to help these kids? And does telling them they have a legitimate disorder help them any, or just hinder progress? 

I don't know the answer to either of these questions. All I know is we have to try something. My heart aches for the girls battling eating disorders because society tells them they're not good enough. My heart aches for the kid who's mad at life, taking his anger out on anything or anyone because he didn't get to choose who his parents were. My heart aches for the kid who was bullied one too many times that they either hit rock bottom or turned into the bully. 

Truth be told, I have no idea what I'll be walking into this semester. But as much as I'm a little terrified and a little timid, I can't help but be excited. These kids aren't just people to watch and take notes on, determining what medications would work, or deciding what disorder they have. To me, they'll just be kids. Kids trying to figure out how to make it through high school and see that there is hope. That things really can get better. Kids that I get to just go hang out with and talk to for about 6 hours a week. Kids that will make my heart hurt, but maybe just remind me why I was so drawn to this major in the first place.