you call this work...

Lately,  I've had trouble believing this is real life. You want to pay me to organize and plan? And not just to organize and plan, but to do so with swimming related activities? Pah-lease. You must be kidding me. 

It was just a few weeks ago I went to the state meet by my house and sat for hours by myself in this most energized, exciting environment. 

I got chills just being a part of it again. It was at this meet that I interviewed for a coaching position...although I only thought it was going to be an introduction. It's a good thing I had my professional experience and recent interview practice so I could wing it coming up with great questions. However, I did laugh when asked if I was hoping to stay working in insurance...not my dream. I had no idea my days were limited in this little, soul killing, cube of mine. 

I went back to work and waited anxiously waiting to hear if the team would be able to find a spot for me. I almost passed out at my desk when I got my email saying it was going to happen. I had forgotten how much I missed/cared about swimming and to be given another chance was just too exciting to comprehend. I started packing and saying goodbye to all my new friends. 

No, it wasn't easy. There was a lot of emotion involved. It felt a bit like this. Too much excitement that would just bring me to tears, relief to be leaving my cube, sadness to be leaving my friends and the life I created, sadness to be leaving my first home that I really got to call my own...I'm sure you get the point. I cried saying goodbye to my friends and leaving them at their cubes, hoping they too can find something that matters to them and that they'll be willing to take the risk to be happy. I cried going to bed for my last night in my apartment and I cried eating my last breakfast at my own table (but that may have also been because it was cold cereal out of a cup with a plastic spoon). 

There is also something overwhelming seeing you're whole world...all that you own...stacked in your parents garage.

 But at the end of the day, my new boss is awesome and seems to have high expectations for what I can do. He also seems to be genuinely investing in me and helping me build a career out of swimming, for which I couldn't be more grateful. He's been very understanding in the drastic switch I made for a career choice and it's very helpful knowing that he understands it was a big shift. He's already got me building the swim lesson mission and vision statements, developing the registration system online, and planning the week long swim camps the team will be hosting. I'm so grateful for all that he's trusted me with and can't wait to see where this will take me. Although I haven't been on deck for my own group yet, I've been visiting the other groups this week to learn a bit more and get my head back in the game, and let me tell you, I love it. I can't believe I get to call this work and although there will be kinks to figure out along the way, I know I'm in the right place and made the right decision. 

a new chapter

It's been a while, and a lot has changed. You can read as many 20-something books to help walk you through the stage of life, but it's not until you're living it that it starts to make sense.

Research shows that you change the most in your early 20's. You discover more of who you are, what you want, and what you want your life to look like. I guess when you surround yourself with other 20-somethings, the chances of changing and growing apart from each other are pretty high. Sometimes the people you thought would be around forever, the people you never pictured losing touch with, can be the people you grow apart from the most. The important thing through all the changes, is to not lose sight of yourself. With everyone wandering around trying to figure out what they want, it's important to remember that you also must figure out what you want and not just conform to the things that others deem important. These can be simple things, like the music you like or the place you'd prefer to hang out on a Friday night, to what you want out of a career and how you see your future self (married or single, kids or no kids, etc.). Sometimes the simple things can make you think the compatibility is outstanding, but when you look closer, the lifetime aspirations create too big of a difference to keep people in your life. 

That decision is hard. It's not a natural chapter of life like graduating high school knowing next comes college, or graduating college and knowing the real world comes next, or even researching job options to see what comes next. It's an unnatural change that you can't prepare yourself for because the people that matter to you most aren't the people you think about leaving. But after long talks, when you've said all there is to say, you have to walk away. There's a low moment in that where you don't think you'll ever recover and you can't picture your life without that person and you run through any compromise you can to see if there was a loop hole you missed. And in that low, you find there wasn't something missed. It was what it was and you had to make the decision. So you brush yourself off and start looking for what's next in your life. 

You find new friends. New things that matter to you because you had forgotten that you could have your own interests. You search harder to find what you want. You evaluate yourself so you remember and discover just who you are and what matters to you most. You see what you had given up and bask in ease of taking care of yourself. There may be some guilt with being OK, with admitting you knew things weren't working and you had to move on. But the new people and the new things you surround yourself with help remind you that that is what you are supposed to do and you don't have to hurt longer simply because you think you should.

Then you are grateful you had been searching for something new before life's major curve ball. And there's one friend you confide in that opens the door to new possibilities. It's amazing how someone you always knew would be one of the most influential people in your life suddenly helps you grasp on to what you forgot mattered to you. They support your decisions in ways that others can't comprehend.

The 20-something stage is hard to swallow, and when you have a salaried, benefited career opportunity, most others in your stage of life would learn to cope (or more accurately, bitch) at the cubicle and spend the hard earned money at the bars over the weekend. That's never been my scene and I'm finding comfort with the 30-something's I've found that really interest me more than the 20-something's that really don't know what's going on. Hindsight is 20/20 and their experiences are great lessons and encouragement for me to really discover what I want and to go after it while I can. 

I'm at a new stage where I have nothing tying me down so I'm taking advantage of the opportunities and am leaving my cubicle to head back to the pool. I will be working with Cheyenne Mountain Aquatics coaching the newer kids on the team and helping to build and develop the team's swim lesson program so we can grow in size along with skill. It's bitter sweet to be leaving my new friends and my first home that I could call my own, but I'm just happy. Sure, living in the parent's basement and scraping my pennies together to try and do anything will be a bit of an adjustment, but there's very little I'm not excited for right now. The post-change me is a very happy person that I forgot had existed. I never would have thought the people that mattered to me most were holding me back, I still don't think they were in that stage, but the new freedom of discovering me has been wonderful and I can't wait to see what's next.

This new chapter, this new stage, it all seems to be falling together and I can't get over it.